5. Pretend you're the host and talk to EVERYBODY
装作主人的样子跟所有人交谈
This is a very cool paradigm to try out. Instead of standing in thecorner, sipping your drink and hoping somebody will come talk to you, take theinitiative and start talking with EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE. You can dothis if you pretend to be the host of the event. Start by looking out forpeople who are trying to act cool, but are desperately wishing that someonewould go talk to them. You know exactly who they are. Rescue them from theirworries and you'll see their face light up and thank you for approaching them.Work the crowd, ask how everyone's doing. They will all light up and respondfavorably. Get to know people and introduce people to other people. Most peopledon't have the guts to approach strangers, so when you do it for them, they'llbe extremely grateful.
这是个很酷的套路，值得一试。不要缩在角落里，啜着饮料，守株待兔地等人说话。要反客为主，开始和所有人谈话，我是说和所有人。如果你装着自己就是这次活动的主人，你就能做到这一点。开始四周环顾，去找那些努力装得很酷、但却很想别人能找其交谈的人。你知道他们是正什么样的人。把他们从窘境中解脱出来，你就会看到他们的脸上变得神采奕奕，他们很感激你能接近他们。在人群中四处活动，向每个人问长问短。他们都会变得神采奕奕的，而且会友好地回应你。去认识人，然后把这些人介绍给那些人。大多数人没有勇气接触生人，因此当你为他们做这些后，他们会非常感激的。
Don't discriminate based on social groups. People are all the same.Talk to the skater, the artist, the economist, the stock broker, the lawyer,the doctor, the entrepreneur, the bartender, the guy standing in the corner,the waiter, everybody. Talk to everyone and make them feel welcome. You justneed to get the ball rolling. Once you start talking to one stranger and get inthe rhythm, you'll be an unstoppable social butterfly.
不要根据社会圈子做出区别对待。所有人都是等同的。溜冰健将、艺术家、经济学家、股票经纪人、律师、医生、企业家、站在角落里的家伙、服务生以及所有人，都同他们交谈。和所有人说话，并让他们感到宾至如归。你需要做的只是让事情开始运作起来。一旦你开始和生人说话，并能侃侃而谈，你就会成为一只永不停歇的社交蝴蝶。
6. You, not I.
是你，而非我
Charming people focus on the other person. Rarely are theythemselves the topic of discussion. When you're out there schmoozing, listen topeople when they talk to you and give them feedback to indicate that you arelistening and that you understand. Be genuinely interested in the other person.Ask all about them. Always think of how you can help them. Send business theirway. Hook them up with other people at the party you think they might get alongwell with.
有魅力的人会关注他人。他们自己很少是讨论的话题。若你在那儿看他们闲谈，当他们对你说话时，你要仔细听，并作出回应以表明你在正在听而且明白他们的意思。要真诚地对他人感兴趣。问有关他们的所有事情。总是想着怎样才能帮他们。按照他们的方式行事。为他们和聚会上你认为合得来的其他人进行牵线搭桥。
7. Make them feel good
让他们得意
Give people genuine compliments. Everybody needs compliments likefood and water because everybody's self esteem can always use a little boost.Don't go for the cliché compliments like everyoneelse. Remember, you're the charismatic one. You've got to step it up a notch.Think of a genuine killer compliment.
真诚地去恭维别人。恭维如同水和食物，每个人都需要，因为每个人的自尊总能获得些许提高。不要向其他人那样使用些陈词滥调。要记住，你是个富有魅力的人。你必要要高人一等。要想出一个真正的有杀伤力的奉承话。
Also, don't forget to use the power of touch. A hormone calledoxytocin is secreted when you touch someone and studies have shown that promotesbond and trust between people. Oxytocin is also a feel good hormone so whenthey get hit with it, they associate that good feeling with you as well.Obviously, use your better judgment here. Don't go up and start molestingpeople. Be tactful with your touch. You will find that women are the masters ofthis. They will lightly tap your forearm when making a point or playfully hityour shoulder when engaged in conversation with you.
还有，别忘了触摸的力量。当你触摸某人时，身体会分泌出一种叫做催产素的荷尔蒙，研究显示这会增进人们之间的亲和与信任。催产素也是一种能产生好感的荷尔蒙，所以当别人分泌出催产素时，就会对你产生好感。显然，对此你要做出更好的判断，不要去骚扰别人，在触摸时要机智老练一些。你会发现女人们精于此道，当他们表明看法时会轻拍你的前臂，或者当他们在与你交谈时会开玩笑似的击一下你的肩膀。
People tend to remember conversations with people who use the powerof touch. I remember going to one event and being charmed off the socks withthis one guy. He had it going. He was working the crowd, he saw me, introducedhimself, and started to ask all sorts of questions about me. I, in turn,shamelessly succumbed to his charm and divulged a lot of information and weboth had good laughs. You know why I remember him out of all the other people Iinteracted with that day? It's because he squeezed my arm when he shook myhand. No joke. That's how I remembered him. As the charming guy who squeezed myarm. Touch is a very powerful thing. Use it wisely.
人们往往会记住那些触摸过他们的人的谈话。我记得有一次去参加某个活动，就彻头彻尾被这样的一个家伙给征服得了。一切尽在他的掌握之中。他在人群中活动，看到我，就进行自我介绍，然后就问有关我的各种各样的问题。而反过来，我却被他的魅力所折服，扭捏不堪地倾倒出我的很多事情，我们都很畅快地笑着。在那天我同很多人接触，但你知道为什么我却唯独记得他?这是因为当他同我握手时，他捏住我的手臂。不是说笑。这就是我是如何记住他的——那个捏我手臂的魅力男。触摸很好很强大，要活学活用。
8. Be positive.
正面积极
Smile. Charming people are known for making people feel way betterafter interacting with them. They have a light feathery touch to them thatbrings smiles and good feelings to everybody they come in contact with.
要笑。让别人在与你交流之后感觉舒畅很多，这正是富有魅力的人的看家本事。他们还有一种轻如羽翼的质感，那就是将微笑和良好感觉带给同他们接触过的所有人。
Talk about positive things. Avoid negative things. You'll always runinto people who turn a good conversation into a bad one by bringing up somenegativity. If that happens, try to tactfully point out the positive aspects ofthe situation. If that fails, excuse yourself from the group and move on.There's no need to be part of the down group.
谈论积极的事物。要避免消极的东西。你总会遇到这样一些人：他们在交谈时带入一些消极因素，从而把一次愉快的谈话变得尴尬不欢。如果碰到这种情况，试着巧妙地指出事情的积极方面。要是无法挽回，那就借故告退，另寻他处，因为没必要成为这低级谈话圈的一部分。
Get your stuff together, exercise, put on those nice clothes, get inthe habit of socializing with everyone, talk with everyone, really listen andkeep the focus on them, make them feel good, only associate yourself withpositive things and people, and you'll find yourself being that one personwho's always lighting up the room.
综合运用上述技巧：运动、优雅着装、养成习惯与所有人交际、和所有人说话、真正地倾听并关注他们、让他们感觉良好、只在自己和积极的事物和人联系在一起。这样你就会发现自己正在成为那个总是让厅堂熠熠生辉的人。
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