六级作文点评
Thanks for the job offer, but I can't
在本期大学英语四六级考试专栏中，复旦大学夏国佐教授对读者题为"A letter declining a job offer"的作文进行了讲评和改写。这是2005年12月六级考试的作文题目。作文部分总分15分，按照评分标准,这篇文章的得分是8分。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a letter to a company declining a job offer. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below:
1. 对公司提供职位表示感谢
2. 解释为何不能接受所提供的职位
3. 希望予以谅解，并表达对公司的良好祝愿
读者原文
Dear Sir:
I'm writing you this letter to express my heartfelt thanks for offering me the post. I have always longed for the chance of working and studying in your company. But another reason prevent me from having the pleasure to accept the job offer.
As you know, I came from a small village where is poor and backward. The villagers are living a steadfast and assiduous life now and no college students would like to go there and help them out. So I think it's my duty to go back to my hometown and do my best to help the villagers live a better life.
For this, I'm awfully sorry that I have to give up the golden opportunity to work in your company which is well-known both at home and abroad. I hope you can understand and forgive me for the job offer. Also I wish your company becoming more prosperous every day.
Best wishes.
Yours sincerely,
Kate
改写后的文章
Dear Sir:
I'm writing you this letter to express my heartfelt thanks for offering me the post. I have always longed for a chance to work in your company. But one thing prevents me from having the pleasure of accepting the job offer.
As you probably know from my resume, I came from a small village, which is poor and backward. The villagers have been living a hard life but no college graduates return there and help them out. So, I think it's my duty to go back to my hometown and do my best to help the villagers live a better life.
For this, I have to give up the golden opportunity to work in your company, which is well-known both at home and abroad. I hope you can understand my decision and forgive me for refusing the job offer. Meanwhile, I hope your company will become more prosperous with each passing day.
Best wishes,
Yours sincerely,
Kate
夏教授的讲评
这篇作文写得还算可以，可以说达到了大学英语写作的最基本的要求。尽管有一些句子结构和用词错误，但作者要表达的意思基本上可以传达给读者。从通篇行文来看，该生基本语法和句子结构掌握较好，并已具备了驾驭长句和复杂句子的能力，对英语的词语搭配和习惯用法也比较注意。但是看样子该生有一些粗心大意，另外对文章的连贯性也不够注意，写完后没有仔细修改，犯了一些本可以避免的错误。下面是几点修改意见：
1. 第一段第二句 "I have always longed for the chance of working and studying in your company"中，应删去 "and studying" ，公司雇你去工作，并非学习。